In 2011, my son was healed after a challenging time of life threatening medical issues. We witnessed true miracles and at the amazement of doctors and nurses, he recovered and came home and we rejoiced! However, when the answer to our prayers came and true miraculous healing was given, rejoicing and relief was followed by a very dark, deep pit that almost engulfed me.
Once home, life went “back to normal” –my husband went back to work and family returned home—life as usual resumed. But what should have been a time of rejoicing and praise was marred by my inability to re-join normal everyday life. I had “shut down” during the hospital stays and near death experiences in ICU and had been going purely on adrenaline and auto-pilot. God’s strength had sustained me, but now I was home and I didn’t know how to fix what was now broken in me.
Thankfully, God lifted me not only out of that pit but took me high above it to a place of peace and rest in Him and I have been learning to enjoy the precious gift of every moment of life. He has deepened my faith and taught me to trust Him in much more deeper ways than I could ever have imagined!
It has not been easy though and I am now dealing with my own health issues due to fibromyalgia, and the ugly pit of depression is trying to rear its ugly head. Each and every day is a battle to focus on the positive and to allow God to continue holding me and teaching me through this– and this is a battle I must and will win! The grace of Christ truly is sufficient, and in my weakness I am made stronger through my dependence on Him– and for that I am so incredibly grateful!
We have known all along that since the doctors didn’t know what caused his previous medical problems, there was always the possibility that something could happen again. A few weeks ago, just after Thanksgiving, my son again faced life-threatening medical issues and spent 5 days in the hospital. But thankfully, through God’s grace and the selfless gift of blood donors, he is home and getting stronger by the day!
The doctors still do not know for sure what is going on in his body and we are trusting that God will give his doctors wisdom and lead them in the right direction. Thankfully, they do think they know the cause of his internal bleeding, have stopped it and think they know how to make sure it doesn’t happen again and for that we praise God! While the doctors don’t know the outcome, we know God does and He will sustain us and uplift us with His mighty hand!!
I know this without doubt or fear because I’ve already felt it and seen it! I know that no matter what, God is in control and will work all things for good. So while I know we have more tests and unknown trials ahead, I can stand strong knowing God is already there and He is shining His light on my path-He will direct my steps and allow me to not only see but to enjoy the beautiful, warmth of His light!
I realize I have a choice. I can focus on the fear, worry, anxiety, and doubt. I can allow my thoughts to take me to a dark place feeling lost and alone–but those are lies and there is a much better option! I can choose to silence the enemy and believe the words of my God who has been so faithful and has always been there for me- His Word reveals just how close He is and gives glimpses of the amazing light that is available for me– I CHOOSE LIGHT!
I will walk in the light that gives me strength, the light that gives me hope, and the light that gives life–and I will not just walk- I will dance and live to enjoy the light! Not because my circumstances have changed, but because Jesus, who holds my hand and never leaves me, says I can! The enemy will try and pull me back toward that dark pit, but I refuse to go. I refuse to listen to lies when I have the perfect truth to cling to–that is clinging to me and will never let me go!!
I pray for so many others who are facing pain and trials and approaching this Christmas with a heavy heart- I pray we will all learn to trust Jesus a little more and learn to live to enjoy the light! I pray for comfort and peace for every hurting heart!!
Thank You Jesus for always holding me close even when I am fearful, you are there. Help me walk, skip and dance in the light every moment of every day and help me enjoy Your light–enjoy You! I don’t just get to see in the light-I get to enjoy it! Thank You!! Teach me to enjoy Your light! As the sun warms my face may Your light warm my soul! I love You Jesus, I need You Jesus, and I thank You Jesus that You are my light!